When Adversity Becomes Direction with Dr. Cynthia Bentzen-Mercer

What if the moments that break you are actually pointing you toward who you’re meant to become next? In this powerful conversation, host Dionne Malush explores how adversity, when met with intention, can become the catalyst for clarity, courage, and reinvention.

Joined by Dr. Cynthia Bentzen-Mercer, USA Today bestselling author, executive coach, and human capital strategist, Dionne dives into what it really means to push through unexpected career loss, identity shifts, and life’s hardest seasons. Together, they unpack how intentional action, even just seven minutes a day, can create momentum when everything feels uncertain.

This episode is a reminder that success does not protect us from hardship, but resilience, agency, and purposeful investment in yourself can transform setbacks into strategy. If you are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or quietly questioning what comes next, this conversation offers both perspective and a practical path forward.

Connect with Dr. Cynthia here:

Website: https://www.dr-cynthia.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drcynthiabentzenmercer/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drcynthiabentzenmercer/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drcynthiabentzenmercer/

Chapters

• 0:00 Adversity As A Starting Point
• 0:17 Meet Dr. Cynthia Benson Mercer
• 0:55 A Personal Setback At The Pinnacle
• 2:37 Rewriting Resilience In Real Time
• 5:18 From Plan A To Encore Career
• 8:40 The Seven-Minute Pivot Practice
• 11:02 Now Near Next Explained
• 13:18 Performance Versus Potential
• 16:40 What Adversity Teaches Us
• 19:20 First Steps When You’re At Breaking Point
• 22:00 Self-Care, Agency, And Daily Actions
• 24:20 Connect With Dr. Cynthia & Closing

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:02

What if the biggest barriers you face, the moments of adversity that feel impossible, are actually the starting points of your greatest growth? Our guest today knows exactly what it means to push through, to reframe setbacks as strategies, and to help others do the same. Dr. Cynthia Benson Mercer is a USA Today bestselling author, executive coach, and an internationally recognized expert in human capital strategy. With over 30 years of C-suite leadership experience, she's built frameworks that don't just inspire, they create traction. The now near next career methodology, the human capital investment strategy, and the seven-minute pivot daily practice. She equips leaders and organizations to challenge limits, invest intentionally, and outperform their past. Today she's here to share not only her frameworks, but also the grit it takes to apply them when adversity strikes. Welcome, Dr. Cynthia. How are you doing today?

SPEAKER_00: 0:56

I am amazing. Thank you so much for having me. Oh, let's see. What is not in my bio? I am a grandmother of three amazing grandbabies. A boy almost 12, uh a little girl almost five, and another little girl almost four. And then my son, those are all my daughters. And then my son and his wife are expecting. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:28

No one would wouldn't no one would expect you to say that. For sure. Well, thank you. Thank you. You're a lot of fun. It sounds like a lot of fun. So let's get started. So you've worked at the highest levels of leadership, but even at the top, adversity shows up. Can you share a defining moment when you personally had to push through?

SPEAKER_00: 1:48

Yeah, and it wasn't that long ago. So I, a little short backstory, worked in corporate America for about 35 years. And the last 13 years of my corporate career in the C-suite as the chief administrative officer of a large healthcare organization, really at the pinnacle of my career, kind of at that place where I thought, this, I've I've made it. And this is where I want to ultimately move from corporate to on corp. And we were going through a CEO change, I, which I not only knew about, I had been instrumental in planning the succession. We, when I joined initially as the senior human resources officer 13 years prior, we started the succession plan for the for the then CEO. So this was not a surprise coming. I began to feel about a year into the transition to the new CEO that, you know, maybe this was not going to be a good fit. It happens. CEOs want to surround themselves with their own teams. But what I didn't necessarily expect to happen, and the way in which it happened, is my position was eliminated. And there I was at 55, almost 56 years old. And the thought that went through my head was I am at this time single empty nester with a non-compete and going on 50 years old, right? And so I need to go find a needle in the haystack job, a high-level job. And that's probably going to mean relocating by myself. And I had moved many times throughout my career, but always with my family. And so the first time I thought, oh my gosh, I cannot imagine having to uproot, move to a new city away from my grandchildren and start all over at this point in my life. Um, the saving grace was the framework that I had created for the book that was in editing at the time that my job was eliminated.

SPEAKER_01: 3:49

Oh wow, see the writing started and it was that ding, and all of a sudden this big thing blows up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 3:55

Put it put it this way, chapter nine, so eight chapters of of my first book, Now and your next, and all through my voice, through my experiences and the and the research of women around the world. Okay. And chapter nine, it was sort of all this, you know, here's how to build confidence, here's how to create boundaries, all of this rich information, you know, all the things I wished I'd known when. Chapter nine was the only chapter that was somewhat theoretical because it was about resilience. It was about when you get knocked off your proverbial horse, what do you do? And if I'm being honest, um, I not had a career setback or a major professional setback in my 30s some years. Um, I'd been really pretty fortunate and worked really hard, made a lot of sacrifices, right? But I remember going home that evening and thinking, I have to rewrite chapter nine. In a plot twist, this just happened.

SPEAKER_01: 4:53

Oh, it's wild.

unknown: 4:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 4:55

I don't know how many people that's actually happened to when they're real in the middle of a book like that. Then something so big happens. I mean, that is a big fall at 56, right? The 56th years of full, it's a complete life changer and everything had to change. So I'm anxious to hear the rest of the story. So now what happened after that?

SPEAKER_00: 5:14

Yeah. So, you know, I I if I'm being honest, there's a fair amount of, you know, licking your wounds and uh, you know, imposter phenomenon about with me, you know, what did I do, what didn't I do, all of all the things. But what was really a conviction for me going forward is I started thinking about, hey, option A is do what I've always done. What I what I know. You work really, really hard and a paycheck shows up in your bank account every two weeks, right? That's all I'd ever known since I was about 14 years old. So suddenly it was like, what else is there? Well, when I were when I wrote down air next, what the research told us is women in particular and people of uh of color secondarily, but also are not as intentional in their career planning as they should be. And it comes from this notion of being really taught to put your head down and work hard and you'll get tapped. Put your head down, work hard, and good things will happen, right? And as women in particular, we do that because we're so busy serving everybody else around us, it's like, great, you know, I've got the kids, or I've got the nieces and nephews, or the spouse, or the significant other, or the church, or the community, whatever. We pour in to somebody. And so it's like, okay, if all I have to do is put my head down and work hard and the rest is going to take care of itself, that leaves me time to pour into everyone else, right? But the what the reality is that happens is we look up at some point, and women we studied four countries, five race, ethnicities, 900 collective years of experience. The common theme was at some point they felt restless, stuck, stagnant, restless. And it was because they felt unactualized. I had more to do, more to give, more value to add. And the reality is that they had not been intentional. In the book, as I'm writing it, for the first time in my career, I was intentionally planning my next. Start now working on your next. So in my mind at 55, 56 years old, I thought, you know, if it goes well with the new CEO, I will retire around on core career at 60, 62 years old. If it's a little clumsy by 59 financially, I think I could move into my on core career. And for me, my encore career was author, keynote speaker, executive coach. So what did I do? As I wrote the book, I started working on my future today. I started, I got my ex my certification to be an executive coach. I started penning my book. I started thinking about setting up an LLC. I was doing all these teeny little baby steps. Now, mind you, not taking away from my big girl job. I was getting up at 4 a.m. So that from 4 a.m. to 5 a.m. was my time. Okay. 5 a.m. on could be the company's time, right? Which I feel is quite generous. Um, but here's the reality. I had this sort of epiphany moment three days after my job went away that you know what I have an option because I've been working on my future. I'm not starting from scratch. I can accelerate this. So I had a blueprint. And I'm telling you from that day forward, it was I'm so convicted about every single person. Do your day job with excellence, but identify your next aspirational goal and start working on it today. It could be seven minutes a day. It doesn't have to be hours. It doesn't have to be throw yourself fully into it. And it does, and don't wait till the kids go to kindergarten or graduate college or the significant other gets their perfect job, right? We put it off or we put it off. Unapologetic, guilt-free investment in you.

SPEAKER_01: 8:54

That sounds amazing. I feel like I've been doing so many things for for everybody else for a long time. And, you know, I do feel like I'm thinking about the next phase of my life right now. And I know it's my last third, right? I don't have I'm I'm 57 myself. So, you know, I don't have another 40 years. I just don't um until I'm 97. That's just not my day. I I don't want to. But you know, yeah, so I I I feel like people, so many people that are stuck in that, like they can't get out of it in, you know, they are stuck in the job they don't like, they're stuck in the career they picked, they're stuck in the even the business that they own, like it's this stuck feeling. And I sometimes I feel that in my own business. I feel like I'm I'm what I say, like I'm in quicksand, right? And I can't get out. And as much as I love it, there's a lot of things I don't love. And, you know, I feel like I don't know if that is even true. Do you ever get to love what you do every single day? Maybe you do.

SPEAKER_00: 9:52

Yeah. I am convinced that you can. I'm convinced that you can. And I think it starts with, and I love you sharing your story because you're not alone. And it's easy when you love what you do, right? Say you love, say the person listening loves their buck, loves their job, loves the company, all the things. We then throw everything into that moment. Well, that may be perfect today. Bosses change, cultures shift, jobs change, life happens, things can life's messy, right? And so always thinking about what is my aspirational next. And I love that you're thinking about that because I deal with a lot, I coach a lot of women our age. Um, they don't want to leave their company, their business, their whatever. Because frankly, they don't know what they'll do with themselves. Or worse, they retire and then they don't know what to do with themselves and they lose that sense of purpose. And so my advice is if you love, love, love what you're doing and who you're doing it with and all things, wonderful. That's amazing. Still, what is your next? It could be finishing a degree, it could be a certification, it could be serving on a board, maybe you want to serve on a volunteer board, it could be a lateral move, a promotion. It could be you name what it is, but you also pick the date of by when you want that to happen. So in your situation, to say, I don't want to work till I'm 92, but maybe that I but but I still have more in the tank. Yeah. What is my aspirational next? And what is the date certain I want that to happen? And what are the baby sets, the little things you can do every day to just move you intentionally toward that next goal? Pick the time frame, name it, but then it's it's the well, I'll worry about that next year or it's three years away. I don't need to worry about that yet.

SPEAKER_01: 11:41

For sure. And you put it off because you are so busy. And don't you feel like the world is so much busier post-COVID? Like, I don't know what's going on. I thought it would help us all slow down a little bit, but I feel like we're in like 10x everything. It's so busy, it's wild. You know, the text messages, phones, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, all the that fills your time. But if you just take took that seven minutes, like you say, a day to do something for yourself or for your business or for your future, like it's not that long. Seven minutes of exercise would make a world of difference for everyone.

SPEAKER_00: 12:17

Exactly. I talk about the seven-minute pivot, and it's exactly that point, right? It's more than five, less than ten. We know neurologically, when you set an alarm, so the way I I suggest the seven-minute hit-up at practice is you literally set an alarm, shut up all the rest of your belts and whistles, put it on your oven, you know, if you need to. Hey, you don't have your phone in front of you. You take out a pen and paper, and I have several prompts that are it's a it's free download on my website. But beyond that, you know, even just starting with what barrier is standing in my way of moving to my aspirational next. Okay. Or what thing is on my heart today that feels like it in the way of, you know, my positivity or my self-worth or whatever, right? You come up with your prompt, but I usually will say is what barriers or walls are standing in your way today from a positive move forward? That's usually general enough. For seven minutes, pen and paper, because again, we know neurologically that's the way we really get our thoughts out. And again, it keeps the belts and whistles away. And you just start journaling about, well, um, it's because I'm too busy. And then I encourage you to ask yourself why three times. And and here's why. You have to get underneath the the fluff. Well, I'm too busy. Why? Well, because I have this, this, this going on. Why? Well, because maybe I don't have very good boundary about, you know, I've taken on, I volunteered more than I should have, and said yes to too many things, right? And you start to just really get that on paper. And then where the magic happens and why I always say it's different than meditation and it's different than like your spiritual reflections. Both are great. This can be additive, is you choose one small thing, one tiny thing you can do today to pivot slightly forward, right? So if it's I'm busy, I've this, I'm that, that's what's standing my way. I'm not investing in myself because of all these things. What one tiny thing can I do today? Maybe that tiny thing today is I'm gonna set time on my calendar to for 15 minutes just to read on the subject of X that I'm wanting to learn more about. Or maybe I'm going to make that phone call to a former mentor and ask for their wisdom and guidance about something. You just you pick one tiny thing. When you do that every day, it's 2,555 minutes in a year. If you're really convicted, think about the pivot. Think about if you're flying an airplane and you pivot just a small amount, right? Degrees every single day, you end up in a very different destination. For sure. That's a good one. I like that.

SPEAKER_01: 15:04

That's a great technology.

SPEAKER_00: 15:06

And and you know what? We can all stop doom scrolling for seven minutes. If you're struggling to find seven minutes, you know, I think we could all probably do a little less uh guilty.

SPEAKER_01: 15:18

You know it's funny, I I never even hardly open social media during the workday at all. Like I'm barely unless I need to post something that's important, but most of the time it's we're you know, laying in bed at night. And again, seven minutes is not that long. I mean, we've been talking already for 17 minutes. So half of where we at where we are right now, and you can make some major shifts in your life and that pivoting idea. It's so great. I love it. I've been studying a lot about the intentional things like that, and and I've been studying mindset for many years. At the end of the day, it's the little things do add up, and they're so big at the end of one year, and it's not a lot of effort to put in to make some significant changes. So I love I love that. So you have three different things though. I what did I say? You have the seven-minute pivot, the now near next methodology, which is super cool. I love what you have behind you. That looks great. Thank you. The human capital investment strategy. What is that?

SPEAKER_00: 16:15

Yeah. So, you know, what I found with when I when I launched Now Near Next, and and again, I work with women and men, but when I when I launched Now Near Next, it was really focused on overextended, ambitious, professional women and helping them to become more intentional, right? Look up, look forward, and and move, move forward. Intentionality is probably my my signature theme. If there was anything about and everything I do, it all harkens back to intentionality. But one of the things that I felt was missing, and and I spent lots of years in human resources, is how do we open the door for this kind of potential, right? I I'm really helping women and men to use their agency to be more intentional about their careers, et cetera. But we have we have the same problem. Women have the same problem that organizations have, which is women tend to over-index on performance over potential. We don't apply for the job unless we tick, you know, 10 out of 10 boxes. We don't apply for the job if, right? We've all seen, we've all heard that study. Well, guess what? Organizations do the same thing and perpetuate that because what organizations do is they use non-predictive measures to try to understand performance rather than potential. So we put things in like 10 years of experience working in a technology firm in the C suite and having gone to this ID League school, right? And being illustrative. But we take this talent pool and we continue to shrink it down by putting all of these arbitrary, what we think are performance metrics in place. And here's the reality study after study has been revalidated that those in particular metrics are not predictive of future performance. What's predictive of future performance is the potential and natural talent, the non-teachables. The job requires you to be creative. Let's select the person that is naturally creative, and we could probably teach them some of the skills and knowledge of our industry. If you have to be strategic or relationship-oriented or, you know, a connector of people, what does the job take that you've got the natural hardwired talent, potential DNA? And then what can you teach? Now, let's be realistic. I'm not gonna hire an administrative assistant that doesn't know how to type. No, there's right. So minimum criteria matters. I'm not gonna have somebody operate on me that isn't a medical doctor with a doctor with a license, right? For sure. There's a minimum criteria, clearly. But how often we either promote people based on, well, you were a great performer at this, so we just assume you're gonna be great at the next thing, and it doesn't work out always, right? The bedside nurse, that's an amazing bedside nurse, is not always the best nurse manager. Yeah. That sales person is not always the best sales manager. So companies perpetuate this performance mindset. I'm not saying performance isn't important, but when we start to separate performance and potential to look at both of them together, we then start to widen the talent pool because I'm then willing to roll the dice on somebody that has potential for greatness, requisite skill and knowledge, and then I can teach the rest of it. Now suddenly, guess what? Not only is my talent pool larger, but it's also more diverse. Yeah, for sure. It makes sense. Yeah. So human capital investment strategy is the other spike at the coin, which says to leaders, it's so important that you recognize that your human capital strategy is as critical, if not more critical, than your financial capital strategy. And we it deserves the same rigor and intentionality.

SPEAKER_01: 19:57

Makes sense. Wow. So interesting. And so how long has it been since that job? Yeah, two years. Two years.

SPEAKER_00: 20:06

Yes, June 26, 2023. So yeah, just over two years started. I I launched, but I launched because I had a plan. You were prepared. And I was working the plan. I didn't know I needed it. It was, you know, you call it what you want, divine intervention. I don't know. I drank my own champagne. I I studied. I learned that the problem that we face and the solution with intentionality. And I decided, you know what? You can't preach stuff and you're not willing to do yourself. So I drank my own champagne. I created my blueprint. And I'll tell you when I needed it, I was like, from now on, every single person I run into have to hear that story. They have to hear this message. Because too many of us are caught flat-footed, right? We go through an unexpected divorce, an unexpected move, an unexpected job, you know, layoff or firing or whatnot. And we're at ground zero and we don't even know where to begin. And we have the opportunity to have agency over that.

SPEAKER_01: 21:07

So my question about that is then what do you believe adversity can teach us that smooth success ne never will? Like, can can you talk about that?

SPEAKER_00: 21:17

Oh, that is that's a good question. I think you realize your inner toughness. I think you you realize what you're capable of getting through. I'm a breast cancer survivor. I was, you know, I um was married for 20 years and then divorced and became the a single mom of of my two kiddos when their dad moved across country, sole provider, and then, you know, lost my job later on. So, you know, all of us have a story, right? We all we all have a story. Life is just messy. And I think you learn in those moments what you're capable of getting through and what you're capable of achieving and how strong and bold you really are. What I encourage people is those moments of imposter phenomenon, I like to call it, because I don't think it's a syndrome, those times where you're worried or questioning or wondering, am I enough? Do I have this? All the fear that comes in, do a highlight reel of the adversity you've had in your life. And here you are to stand and talk about it and tell about it, right? That is so good. That is the answer to you've got this. You've got this. You've proven that you've been through hard stuff and you can get through hard stuff. But sometimes it takes the a minute to be introspective. That's another great use for the seven-minute pivot is you spend seven minutes thinking about what did I learn from past adversity? Spend seven minutes, what did I learn from past adversity? And what's one thing I can do today to move myself forward in a positive direction.

SPEAKER_01: 22:45

As you're sitting here talking to me, who's going through one of the hardest things of my life? My husband had a liver transplant six months ago, and I've been his primary caretaker. So my company, thankfully, I built our staff so that I could not be there for four months in person. I worked at home as much as I could, but you know, we're going through a huge trial and tribulations of life, right? And my dad passed away two years ago last week. So I saw my two tough guys go down. One's still getting back up, but he's having a hard time right now. So, you know, I'm sitting here listening to you, thinking, wow, that highlight reel. I have so much. You know, I feel like my whole life has just been filled with one adversity after another. And I keep getting up and I keep pushing forward. I do believe very wholeheartedly that there is something amazing on the other side of adversity, but a lot of people don't push through to find out. But I'm gonna find out because I'm pushing through no matter what. This has been really, really difficult. And I some people say, like, how hard is it? I'm like, it's 10 times harder than I imagined, and say, what's gonna be hard, but I never knew it would be this hard. And people look at me and I'm positive and I'm still going and they're like, How do you get to be so positive? I'm like, I I like this choice better. I like being positive, I like sharing the journey so that I can help other people. Like this has been an incredible opportunity for us. So, anyway, so thank you for sharing that because that's really cool. And I I love what you're doing, and this is such a great call. So I want to ask you this if someone listening right now feels like they're at their breaking point, which many people are right now, and I so many people in my life, I can feel that. What's the first step you'd tell them to take?

SPEAKER_00: 24:24

Yeah. Well, first of all, thank you for sharing your your story, and um, you all will be certainly in my thoughts and prayers. I lost my dad in October. Um, we're coming up on the first year anniversary, and um, I I can't imagine the impact on a caregiver is massive. I my um I watched my mom with my stepfather. So my real my biological father and my dad dad passed away, but my stepfather went through cancer, and everyone would ask how he was doing, and seldom would ask how she was doing, and the burden, not burden from a, you know, you know, lovely care and all the things, but there's a lot on your shoulders. So just if I see you. And um, so thank you for sharing that. For the person listening that's going through a really tough time. The reality is this the world needs you, right? The world needs you. We, every single human being has gifts and talents. The question's talent for what? And the world needs you. And so I would strongly encourage that as a very first step, take seven minutes because that's seven, here's here's the beauty about seven minutes of starting a timer for the person that doesn't want to go into their feelings, right? That's me. The person that does like I'd just rather be positive. It's just I'd rather shove another rug and be positive. Um, for that person, the me person, it's only seven minutes. It's only seven minutes that you have to go there. You just have to go deep and the alarm goes up and you're done, right? And there's also the person listening that maybe tends to stay in our field a little too long, right? Maybe they're really struggling emotionally and it's hard for them to kind of come out of that place. The seven minutes puts an end to and gives you an action to take so that you can sort of wrap it up in that moment, right? If you need to do it again later that day, knock yourself back. But just that seven minutes of getting it out of your head and onto paper and saying, I'm really struggling right now. And what am I feeling? I'm feeling this and this and this and this and this, and I'll pour it on out onto paper. And then what is one small thing? Maybe your one small thing is to go treat yourself to a coffee. Maybe your one small thing is to go take a walk in nature and don't put your ear pods in and just listen to what's going on around you. Be open and listening. Maybe your one small thing is let yourself have a nap. You know, whatever that is, unapologetic, guilt-free thing that you need to do to move you a baby step forward. You don't have to finish and just be like the world's magical and it's, you know, rainbows and unicorns. It's not going to be. And I could encourage you specifically with all that you're going through is to be so good to yourself. And that seven minutes can really be for you your highlight reel. All the things you've gone through, what have you learned and what can you celebrate about your resilience, your coming out of those difficult things? Maybe it's that the relationship is being strengthened. Maybe it's that you're getting clearer on um your financial investments because you're having to be more attuned to that. Maybe it's that you are building deeper friendships with friends or family members that are coming together at this time. What are those things and what's one tiny thing you can do to just emphasize that, right? Each day because life's hard and it's messy, and it's okay to have a pity party. Just don't stay there.

SPEAKER_01: 27:59

Yeah, I felt like some days I I want to have a pity party for sure. But you know, I I really appreciate what you said, and that me, that makes it a lot of sense to take that little bit of time. So I didn't do that for the longest time, but the last couple of weeks, I actually like when it got my nails done, which I didn't glue for years, right? And then I sat there and I was like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. And I'm like, I want this fall experience, and I'm like, this is the best hour of my week. It was so good. And you know, I used to be like, hurry up, I can't do my nails, it takes too long. I'm like, please take longer. So yeah, people feel that and it that need for taking a little bit of care of myself. And I so appreciate like these frameworks. I love this so much. And if I remember, I want to share something with you and I'll email it to you when we're done. But I kind of came up with an idea that I think that you'll appreciate. But the now, near next, and the seven-minute pivot, they're more than just tools, they're actually lifelines for when life knocks us flat. So I love that we write that, and I love that all of you have the opportunity to find out more. So, where can they find out information about you and some of your strategies?

SPEAKER_00: 29:05

Absolutely. So, on all my socials, it's Dr. Cynthia Benson Mercer. And if you'll want to check the spelling in the show notes, because Benson is the unique spelling. Um, so Dr. Cynthia Benson Mercer and all the socials, and then my website is Dr. Excuse me, it's just Cynthia Benson Mercer.com. And if you want to reach out to me directly, hello at Cynthia Benson Mercer.

SPEAKER_01: 29:26

Oh, that's very simple, and I appreciate it. I know for everyone listening, adversity is inevitable, but defeat, it's optional. You have a choice to make. And I like I always say I choose the positive one and I choose to be happy every day, and I choose to, you know, want to help other people because it feels much better this way. So you have a choice, make the choice, and definitely follow Dr. Cynthia Benson Mercer. How incredible is she today! Thank you so much. It's been a pleasure.